This Valentine's Day I love:
my house.
there's just something about your home, and how it makes you feel when you're there.
fires in the woodstove.
especially ones I build.
Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Lost, Bones, and The Deep End.
these silly television addictions I have.
MAC makeup.
because I like playing with pretty bright colors. and I like the girls who work at the counter. and feeling pretty.
marketing.
oh how I love it! something that makes my brain work hard because I'm passionate about it.
Jilane.
best friends make everything better.
ice cream, peanut butter, and cookie dough.
or any combination of the three.
working out.
because I love ice cream, peanut butter, and cookie dough. and because being healthy matters.
my jobs.
Townline, Jimmy John's, Adam LeSage Photography. all of them, for some reasons that are the same, and some that couldn't be more different.
my family.
one and all, I love them.
caffeine.
in the form of a caramel or hazelnut latte with the foam on top from the coffeehouse at school, which is also a place I love.
photography.
creating things. learning more every day. my camera and the power it has to make people feel happy and great about themselves.
kraft macaroni and cheese.
I think I will love it forever.
my church.
there's something about my church the same way there's something about my home. God is in a lot of churches, but my church feels like home.
clean laundry.
because then it means I don't have to do it.
long, hot baths.
nothing relaxes me more than a bath with candles and good music.
God.
because really, how can I not?
2.13.2010
stew
Tonight, I made Elk Stew. All by myself. And I pretended like I was Rachael Ray when I was making it. Okay, not really. But I did pour all my ingredients into cute little pyrex bowls and took pictures before I put it all together. Makes me look like I'm a super good cook.
joy
I'm not a girl who cries during breakups. I do, but for like a half an hour. The day the breakup happens. I have my sad moments and I eat a little ice cream and I move on with life. Whether I'm the person doing the breaking up or being broken up with, the next day I am happy.
At least, that's how it's always gone until this time. Phil broke up with me, and OH MY GOODNESS THE CRYING. The uncontrollable crying, and the feeling ridiculous for crying so much, and the almost crying at school and at work. And the having zero control over whether or not I was going to eat that ice cream or peanut butter. And just feeling so sad and hating it.
That was okay. The crying was okay, because I needed to do that for me. I needed to be sad and I need to cry a lot and eat a lot of sweets. I couldn't be happy right away.
But then I was reading the Easter play that I'm in for church this year. One of the messages in the play is about how God has gifts for us, sitting out in His open arms. They’re free and He wants us to have them, but we have to take them. The only thing we have to do is TAKE them. And one of those gifts is joy.
I couldn’t be happy right away because I could be happy at all on my own. I had to cry because I couldn’t do anything but cry on my own. But after I had my crying, and after I got frustrated with not being able to feel even a little happy, then I remembered where I can find joy.
And let me tell you, this is only the kind of joy God can give. To go from crying all day to immediately the next day not even feeling like I wanted or needed to cry. And remembering in my joy that God knows where I’m going. God knows what and who should be where in my life. And if He knows that, and if I trust that He knows better than I, what need is there for crying?
At least, that's how it's always gone until this time. Phil broke up with me, and OH MY GOODNESS THE CRYING. The uncontrollable crying, and the feeling ridiculous for crying so much, and the almost crying at school and at work. And the having zero control over whether or not I was going to eat that ice cream or peanut butter. And just feeling so sad and hating it.
That was okay. The crying was okay, because I needed to do that for me. I needed to be sad and I need to cry a lot and eat a lot of sweets. I couldn't be happy right away.
But then I was reading the Easter play that I'm in for church this year. One of the messages in the play is about how God has gifts for us, sitting out in His open arms. They’re free and He wants us to have them, but we have to take them. The only thing we have to do is TAKE them. And one of those gifts is joy.
I couldn’t be happy right away because I could be happy at all on my own. I had to cry because I couldn’t do anything but cry on my own. But after I had my crying, and after I got frustrated with not being able to feel even a little happy, then I remembered where I can find joy.
And let me tell you, this is only the kind of joy God can give. To go from crying all day to immediately the next day not even feeling like I wanted or needed to cry. And remembering in my joy that God knows where I’m going. God knows what and who should be where in my life. And if He knows that, and if I trust that He knows better than I, what need is there for crying?
daily
Practice makes you better at things. We learn this when we're little and continue to use it all our lives. Sometimes it's annoying, because we'd rather just instantly know how to do something. Like science, for instance. I hate science. My brain does not get science. My brain gets language and arts, but it does not work in a way that understands science. I wish that my brain just automatically understood science so when I had to take science credits in college I could've a) done better in those classes, and b) not had to have worked so hard to not even do that great. But if it's something you like to do, something you love, practice can make you love it even more.
I want to be a photographer. I want to take visually interesting pictures. I want to be a good business person, I want to work well with my clients, but I also always want to be getting better as a photographer. So, for the next year, and hopefully longer, I am going to take a picture every day. And to hold myself accountable, I'm going to post that daily picture on my blog and on facebook. Of people, of inanimate objects, of things that make me happy, in situations that challenge me -- just every single day. Some days I'm sure they'll be boring pictures, because some days I don't have the time to go outside of my home to shoot. But I hope that they won't all be boring. And I hope that by the end of these 365 days I'll be able to tell how much I've grown.
So, to start things off, here's a picture from my backyard.
2.10.2010
bundled
I'm a bad Wisconsin resident. I like snow the first time it snows each year or if it snows enough to cancel my obligations for the day -- so much snow that everyhing is transformed into this beautiful, white winter wonderland. I love snow for Christmas. But soon after I enjoy those few things about snow I get sick of it. And then I want spring. I want to not have to brush my car off in the morning and bundle lots of layers on just to walk from my car to class.
Yesterday was one of those days. I was wearing a cute little bundled up outfit, and I curled my hair and I was happy. And then I looked outside and it was snowing. And I had to stand outside and wipe off my car, and walk inside school with two inches of my face peaking out after driving there and watching people slide all over the road. All that means I no longer had any curls in my hair when I got to class and I was tense all day driving to school and work and home, worried about going in the ditch.
Oh yes, I am ready for spring flowers.
Yesterday was one of those days. I was wearing a cute little bundled up outfit, and I curled my hair and I was happy. And then I looked outside and it was snowing. And I had to stand outside and wipe off my car, and walk inside school with two inches of my face peaking out after driving there and watching people slide all over the road. All that means I no longer had any curls in my hair when I got to class and I was tense all day driving to school and work and home, worried about going in the ditch.
Oh yes, I am ready for spring flowers.
blessed
"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only than can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." --Matthew 5:2-3, The Message
Oh such a good thing to remember. When life sucks, you're blessed.
Oh such a good thing to remember. When life sucks, you're blessed.
2.08.2010
flowers
I bought myself flowers from Festival today because flowers make me happy. And I arranged them because that makes me happy. And then I took a bunch of pictures of my flowers because pictures of flowers make me happy.
yogurt
I have discovered the best snack.
I love ice cream. Like, more than the air I breathe. Okay, maybe not quite that much, but seriously, ice cream is my weakness and I love love love it. But I can't have it all the time, because, well, it's ice cream. Calorie city.
But, I have recently discovered that they make dessert yogurts. And THEY TASTE LIKE ICE CREAM. Not a ton, but they're sweet and creamy. And on occasion they will satisfy my craving for ice cream in a neat little 100 calories.
Oh happy day!
2.06.2010
college
Things college has taught me: I'm drawn to the quiet kids.
I'm one of those people who unconsciously draws people who need to talk to myself. The amount of people who have poured out their hearts to me the first time I've ever talked to them and end the conversation with, "I've never told anyone that before" is insane. I've noticed this about myself since middle school, it's just how I'm made. Sometimes I love it, and sometimes I'm like, "WHY ME?! WHY are you telling ME all these intimate details about your life?!" I always thought I couldn't avoid this if I wanted to, that people would just tell me things no matter what I did.
Now. When I go to class on the first day and walk in the back of the room, the first thing I look for is any of my good friends. People I know well and know won't drive me insane to sit next to for the whole semester. If none of my friends are in that class, the next thing I involuntarily look for is a guy who looks like he's not going to reach out and talk to anyone unless I sit down next to him, thereby forcing him into conversation. It's usually always guys, not because I'm trying to pick them up, but because they're generally less complicated than girls. More willing to help you if you don't get something or miss a day, and all around just less dramatic.
This unconscious strategy has turned out to be great for me. In my law class, I sat down next to a kid named Brad. Brad was quiet, but he had friends who weren't, and I wound up on a debate team with all of them and we kicked butt. They explained things to me that I didn't get and I wound up enjoying the class. In Jazz History I found Alex, who quickly became one of my best friends. For Philosophy, it was Chase, a commuter who didn'tknow anyone and didn't talk to anyone else in that class all semester, but had things to tell me every single day. And this semester, it's Brian. He's in two of my classes, and he appears to be quiet. But once you get him talking, the kid is hilarious. We keep each other laughing through Finance and Accounting. It rocks.
Through this, I've realized that while people are drawn to me -- I'm also drawn to them. The kids who are quiet but have something to say, and I unconsciously set up a situation that makes them feel comfortable talking. And I could probably avoid it. But that would involve me not talking...and I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon.
I'm one of those people who unconsciously draws people who need to talk to myself. The amount of people who have poured out their hearts to me the first time I've ever talked to them and end the conversation with, "I've never told anyone that before" is insane. I've noticed this about myself since middle school, it's just how I'm made. Sometimes I love it, and sometimes I'm like, "WHY ME?! WHY are you telling ME all these intimate details about your life?!" I always thought I couldn't avoid this if I wanted to, that people would just tell me things no matter what I did.
Now. When I go to class on the first day and walk in the back of the room, the first thing I look for is any of my good friends. People I know well and know won't drive me insane to sit next to for the whole semester. If none of my friends are in that class, the next thing I involuntarily look for is a guy who looks like he's not going to reach out and talk to anyone unless I sit down next to him, thereby forcing him into conversation. It's usually always guys, not because I'm trying to pick them up, but because they're generally less complicated than girls. More willing to help you if you don't get something or miss a day, and all around just less dramatic.
This unconscious strategy has turned out to be great for me. In my law class, I sat down next to a kid named Brad. Brad was quiet, but he had friends who weren't, and I wound up on a debate team with all of them and we kicked butt. They explained things to me that I didn't get and I wound up enjoying the class. In Jazz History I found Alex, who quickly became one of my best friends. For Philosophy, it was Chase, a commuter who didn'tknow anyone and didn't talk to anyone else in that class all semester, but had things to tell me every single day. And this semester, it's Brian. He's in two of my classes, and he appears to be quiet. But once you get him talking, the kid is hilarious. We keep each other laughing through Finance and Accounting. It rocks.
Through this, I've realized that while people are drawn to me -- I'm also drawn to them. The kids who are quiet but have something to say, and I unconsciously set up a situation that makes them feel comfortable talking. And I could probably avoid it. But that would involve me not talking...and I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon.
2.02.2010
speedy
Most days I'm thankful for my ability to write quickly. I'm not an amazing writer, but it generally doesn't take me very long to get my thoughts down on paper in a decently understandable way. Also, I'm wordy, so if I have to fill a certain amount of pages I can stretch my thoughts well and since I'm not in any writing classes I get good grades despite sometimes being unnecessarily wordy. These are skills that come in handy when writing papers, but aren't so conveinient when I have an hour and a half to kill between classes and no homework yet.
I don't know what to do with myself during this time. I'm sure later in the semester I'll be grateful for this abundant time to do homework, but right now I almost wish I had more homework to do. It's such an icky time frame because it's not quite enough time to go anywhere and get anything big done. When it gets warm enough I'll start bringing my camera with me and going outside and just shooting and experimenting with light more, but I'm not one to be ambitious enough to go out in the cold and shoot. I despise being cold. More than I can put into words. Okay, well, maybe not quite that much, but close.
So, meanwhile, before the warm weather and the homework, I'm left to write. And to feel frustration relating to my quick-writing skills.
I don't know what to do with myself during this time. I'm sure later in the semester I'll be grateful for this abundant time to do homework, but right now I almost wish I had more homework to do. It's such an icky time frame because it's not quite enough time to go anywhere and get anything big done. When it gets warm enough I'll start bringing my camera with me and going outside and just shooting and experimenting with light more, but I'm not one to be ambitious enough to go out in the cold and shoot. I despise being cold. More than I can put into words. Okay, well, maybe not quite that much, but close.
So, meanwhile, before the warm weather and the homework, I'm left to write. And to feel frustration relating to my quick-writing skills.
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