wish

I kind of have a constant wish list going in my mind. Of things I'd like to add to my wardrobe each season. If I had an endless supply of money, I'd add every piece. But because I don't, I pick and choose the pieces that I'm really excited about, the pieces that I think will have a lasting place in my wardrobe, or the pieces that I can find at a great deal. This season, for fall, these are the things hovering around on my wishlist:

White Oxfords. I've wanted oxfords for a while now because of their ease and comfort, and because of their character. I'm a little preppy at heart, and I know I'd get a ton of use out of them. Oxfords that are white and a light tan would work too.

Over The Knee Boots. If I had skinny model long legs I'd want these even more, I'm not sure how they'd look on my short frame. But they're definitely on my list of things to try on!

MAC Lipglass. As much of an advocate as I am for MAC, I've never tried their lipglass. I'd love a warm, natural dusty rose colored gloss for fall.

High Waisted Pants. This is another one of those things that I'd need to try on to check out how it flatters me, but I'd like it if my short legs looked longer. Dress pants that I can roll up the bottoms of to show off cute ankle boots or high waisted shorts that I could wear all fall with thick colored tights underneath them and knee high boots...either way I'd love it!

Puffy Vest. In a bright, obnoxious, look at me! color. I have a plain black puffy vest and I love it because even if I'm wearing a thin shirt on my arms it does wonders for keeping me warm. Easy to throw on, easy to move in when a jacket is slightly too inhibiting. Now just looking for a fun color for winter.

Animal Print. Super in this season, and super timeless. The areas in which I'd want animal print are either a cardigan for layering purposes, cute little flats like these ones that are laced up in the back, or possibly on a purse. But since I'm not really in the market for a new purse, I'm going to look into finding a cardigan or flats.

Lace Tights. Also super in this season by being part of the lace trend, I like their slightly gothic feel. More dramatic than plain tights, they can easily add a little punch to a dress.

tan

I like being tan.

Correction, I love being tan.

Whenever possible, I like to ignore everything I hear about tanning leading to skin cancer. But the problem is, it's not really just a possibility anymore, but rather backed up with a ridiculous amount of evidence. And I am from a family where both sides tan like crazy and have always tanned like crazy and to date, no one has gotten skin cancer. But having the, "it'll never happen to me" mentality isn't always the best way to go. So while I still enjoy the sun when I have time to, I'm getting much better about wearing sunscreen daily. And I use a different method to keep my skin the healthy summer color I want it to be.

Self tanning lotion. Apparently some make you turn orange, but I've only tried two, and both have worked well for me. I started with Dove but switched to Jergens because I like the smell and consistency better. Both are available at WalMart and not all that expensive. I use the Jergens Natural Glow body lotion for medium to tan skin tones, pay attention to your tones and buy the kind for your body.

This is what I do to insure good, not splotchy coverage:

Step 1: Exfoilate. In the shower, exfoilate your whole body. I use Victoria's Secret's sugar scrub(75% off at the Semi-Annual sale right now, that means $3 a bottle! but not available much longer.) in the shower on days I'm going to apply the lotion. It feels good and smells amazing. Any scrub would work though, Caress has exfoilaters in it, or if you're feeling particularly adventerous and have a blender try out Aimee of Homespon Forte's Fresh Coffee Body Scrub. The second I buy a blender I'm trying that out!

Step 2: Dry off your body and tie your wet hair up in a knot on top of your head. You want the lotion to go everywhere, and hair on your shoulders gets in the way of that.

Step 3: Pick a starting point. I always start with my right leg, then left, then rear/front of my body, then arms, then neck/shoulders, then back. Remember spots like the tops of your feet and right up to the edge of your face, all those places are important.

Step 4: Your face. I have Jergens Natural Glow Daily Facial Moisturizer that I apply to my face only when I'm applying the body lotion to the rest of my body. It's got SPF in it so you don't have to worry about applying addition sunscreen afterwards, just apply this to your whole face like you would any other facial moisturizer, but be sure to meet the edges of your face where you left off with the body lotion, and rub rub rub to blend it well. Tricky spots to remember on your face are behind your ears, and your ears in general. I just kind of rub what's left over on my hands on my ears, it hasn't led to any funky discoloration yet!

Step 5: Grab a towel(the color can rub off onto a towel, but it hasn't stained mine, comes out in the wash) and rub it between your hands to get the lotion off your palms, and sweep it between your fingers to rub off the extra lotion that gets stuck there. Then add a drop of lotion to the back of one hand and rub the backs together, hitting the backs of your fingers too. You may want to do this step more often -- it wears off faster on your hands because you wash them more often.

I repeat this process about three times a week and it keeps me with a healthy, natural-looking tan.

Do you use self tanner? What brands/methods have you found to be most successful?

bees

I love this stuff. It smells like pomegranate, moisturizes my lips, and gives them the perfect deep pink tint. All in one little tube. Happiness.

chapstick

Every year for Christmas my aunt/godmother always gets me a little something. I've been out of being "one of the kids" and a part of the gift exchange where we pick names between the adults for a few years now, but she still always finds something to get me. So this year it was blank cds because when I shoot pictures of her kids I always give her the images on a cd, so she figured she could help refill my stash.

The one thing that's always in the box or bag that she wraps my gifts in is chapstick. Melaluca chapstick, the best chapstick in the whole wide world. It's the only thing that cures my lips from the wintertime dryness that strikes every year, and she always gets me just enough tubes so that I'm just running out by Christmas. It's always one of my favorite gifts.

This year I got a new scent too, sugar and spice, so yummy!

candies

Oh my, what Christmas does to one's waistline! But it's so okay because it's Christmas. And then after Christmas you can do squats and pushups and leg raises and lots of running to make up for it. Which is what I did today. But just look. Boxes full of goodies like these just makes it all so worth it.

leggings

I've got this goal. To mantain a body that's in decent shape.

I've found that when it comes to eating healthy and working out, numbers don't work for me. I need a visual. Of something I want to wear. Like, for my cousin's wedding, wanting to look good in a specific dress. Or Mexico, I had a new plaid swimsuit to wear that I wanted to look hot in. So I've decided that for each season I need to have something I'm really excited about wearing. Something that's more form fitting, that I think it super cute and looks good on my body when my body is in it's best shape.

So, for fall, even though I know we're halfway through fall, I'm really into the leggings look. With a big poofy sweater and boots. Or with Converse, maybe red ones. And an oversized man's dress shirt, belted, to be more punky. As long as whatever I wear on top is long enough to cover my rear.

This works, because my legs have to look good enough to sustain the legging trend. And I know, I know, lots of girls of all various shapes and sizes can wear leggings. But I'm more picky when it's me. So leggings it is!

clean

I'm not a clean freak. Not even close. But lately I've become a little paranoid due to the whole H1N1 thing. Not because I think the swine flu is going to kill me, I don't worry about that stuff, but because I'm so so busy right now. And getting sick and making my world have to stop to get better would really suck. So I'm thinking I should buy a little hand sanitizer, to carry in my backpack/purse/gym bag. That way I can clean my hands easily after typing on one of the computers at school. Or going on the elliptical at the Kress.

And this one's so cute and even Christmas-y. I'll probably just buy the Purell one next time I'm at WalMart, but for the sake of a cute picture on the blog, I thought I'd display the Bath and Body Works version!

revolutionary

Today I made a revolutionary discovery.

Okay. No. Not so revolutionary. More like a tale as old as time, rediscovered in my own life.

So the last two days I haven't felt so hot. Kind of getting a cold, just felt icky, stuck in a bad mood.

On Monday, instead of doing kickboxing, Amanda and I came home and did pilates because we got out of our class early and didn't want to wait around. And Tuesday, when my alarm went off I ignored it and went back to sleep, because I didn't feel good and it was like 40 degrees outside and I figured running in 40 degree weather while I was obtaining a cold probably wasn't the smartest idea in the world.

But today, today I did kickboxing again. And I am HAPPY. Bountifully happy.

Whenever I'm whining about working out, someone please remind me what it does to my mood.

zits

I am a zitty person. I just always have been, even when I never skip a day of washing my face and keep my hands off it as much as possible and do all the normal things you're supposed to do to prevent breakouts. I'm just zit-prone, it happens, I deal.

I'd always used ProActiv, and it worked pretty well for a while, far better than anything else I'd tried, but I was still always sometimes zitty. Recently though, my aunt, who has very similar skin to me, gave me a nearly empty bottle of Rodan & Fields's Unblemish cleanser to try.
The stuff is magic. My face was crystal clear. Not a single zit.

I loved it, but I was still trying to decide if it was worth the price difference, or if ProActiv did a good enough job for me to deal with. And then my sample bottle ran out, and I could find constellations in the zits sprouting up all over my face despite the fact that I was still using ProActiv.

Oh it is DEFINITELY worth the price difference. There's a bottle en route to my house as we speak.

haircut

I have an addiction called One Tree Hill.

...I'm realizing a lot of my blogs start with me mentioning things I'm addicted to. I wonder if I should be concerned about that...

This addiction started at the beginning of the summer when my roommate Laura started watching my roommate Amanda's seasons of OTH. I would see bits and pieces of it while it was on in the living room...and then I got suckered in and started watching the seasons myself.

It's really not all that good. Honestly, some of the acting is beyond terrible, and now that I'm in the 5th season things are getting to be all too predictable. But...they still make it possible to connect with the characters. And connecting with the characters is what makes me like a show. However, I still enjoy Bones and Grey's far more than One Tree Hill...shows where I connect with the characters and the writing and acting is actually good.

Point of this is, I'm getting my hair cut. And I'm getting it cut like Haley, one of the characters on the show. This season she has perfect short hair. I've been trying to grow mine out again but it really doesn't look that great grown out. I don't have thick, gorgeous hair. I have hair that's fine will never look full when it's long. So, short hair it is. And I love love love Haley's hair this season. I'm also getting it colored like hers...just a bit darker than mine already is.

Problem with this is, I can't get it cut until after my friend Kim's wedding, because we all have to have updos and I'm doing my own hair and have no idea how to make short hair look good all up. Oh well, it's only a month!

feet

I've found a new love.

I told Phil this early today and he was not nearly as upset as he should of been. Apparently he just knows me well enough to know that my new fascination doesn't effect my love for him. Ruins my fun.

Anyway, this new thing I'm in love with is Dr. Scholl's insoles. They are amazing. My mom has been using them for a while and I never thought much of it, because I don't tend to have feet issues. However, weddings in dress shoes all summer, even if they're flats, have been changing that a bit. I borrowed a set of my mom's insoles and tried them out in my flats...and suddenly they're supportive! It's a miracle! They're comfy for long periods of time and my heels don't get sore anymore.

So, if you've got achy feet, I highly recommend picking up yourself a pair of those wonderful insoles.

recommendation

Recommendation. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, have a seizure around people who love you. It tends to freak them out a bit.

A couple of days ago I had one. This is something that isn't terribly uncommon for me. By that I mean I've had three in my life. Not a ton, not like I get to have a seizure dog like in My Sister's Keeper to live with me and bark every time I before I have one, which is disappointing, but this isn't the first time I've had one. One in 5th grade, one junior year of high school, and now one more.

I was at a rehearsal dinner for a wedding I was going to shoot the next day. Normally I'm not at the rehearsal dinners but Phil was playing guitar for the ceremony, so he had to be there, and I was invited along with his family. And I didn't want to go because I had cramps from hell all day and just wanted to go home and get better, but for some reason I went anyway(thanks, God). So we get there and they do the rehearsing thing and I'm walking around the backyard where it's being held trying to relieve my cramps and setting up shots in my head for the next day. All is well.

Then we sit down to eat, all scattered about the multi-level porch, and Phil's sitting in a chair and I'm sitting on the edge of the porch in front of him on the highest part of the porch, talking to the groom's mom who's sitting on the edge of a lower part of the porch in front of me. She's asking about certain pictures she wants to get the next day, and all the area around her is getting black and splotchy. And I know what's going to happen, but for some reason feel the need to answer her question and ignore the fact that I'm going to conk out. So I stop for a second and breathe and then respond to her, turn around and look up at Phil and say I'm going to pass out. And then my body goes limp and I fall into his leg.

Now comes the part where I retell what I was told happened.

Apparently Phil thought I just meant that I was tired because I say that sometimes when I'm exhausted, so for the first few seconds he thought I was just leaning on him. And then the seizing part happend and I got all tense and he grabbed my arm and his mind got all, "what do I do what do I do?!?!" His mom asked if I was okay and he responded, "noo!" like it was the most ridiculous question anyone could be asking him in that moment.

And mild panic ensued. Kathi started praying because that's Kathi's default reaction to everything, and Rodney said he rubbed my head because he felt like it was what he should be doing, no idea why. Somebody mentioned calling 911. Had I been conscious I would've said, "no no, no please don't, I'll be fine, this just happens sometimes", but I wasn't, so one of the bridesmaids who happens to be an EMT came running over and started asking Phil questions about if it had happened before and he's all, "yeah, I think so, a couple of years ago, I don't really know if it's the same", because we've never really discussed this in much detail.

Meanwhile I can hear people saying my name while I'm in dreamland and I'm all, oh crap, I had a seizure. I was just talking on the porch like a normal person and now I'm dreaming, I must have had a seizure. Phil said all the sudden I just sat straight up and went, "I'm okay, I just had a seizure, it happens sometimes." And the EMT's all, "Have you been drinking?!" And I'm all, HELLO, I'm at a family function with my boyfriend and his parents, none of whom drink, what do you think?! Only I actually just said no. And then I wanted a nap. I always want naps after seizures, I normally sleep for like 3-4 hours. So the groom's mom let me fall on her bed, and I'm lying there trying to fall asleep and all I can think is that I'm in some woman's bed and I can't even remember her name for sure.

And while I'm thinking this, Rodney came in with some water and I assured him I was okay, and then Kathi came in and squeezed the life out of me and I assured her I was okay, and then I apparently dozed off for a bit because Phil said when he came in I was sleeping. But then I woke up before he came in again and I assured him I was okay. Lots of reassuring happening, and after enough of that I didn't feel too tired and we all got in the car to go home.

Now, my parents were in Utah. Vacationing. So I figured I wouldn't call them and worry them or worry them until they got home, because that's a roaming charge and they can't do anyting from there and no big deal, it happens, I'm alive. Kathi didn't like that too much though, and she sighed and looked at me and said real gently, "I think you should call your mom. If it was my daughter, I'd want to know." Now, Kathi and my mother are complete and total opposites, but I obeyed and called. My stepdad answered and was all, hmm, okay, so you're okay now? Alright, good, we'll see you when we get home. Which is exactly how I knew they'd be and I'm totally okay with that, because it's rational. We're a rational family. Just so long as they know I'm okay, then they're okay.

Kathi and Rodney and Phil aren't quite like that though. Kathi had a bed made for me at their house within the first five minutes of getting back. And I wasn't allowed to drive anywhere. The next morning Phil drove me back to my house to get ready and pack everything for the wedding. He doesn't usually like to drive my car and I knew I was okay, so I was like, "Hey, it's okay, I can drive, you can just come with me and pacify your mother." And he was all, um, no way. You are not driving you are not carrying anything heavier than a feather you are not being left alone for more than the two minutes it takes you to go to the bathroom, and your shower better not exceed five or I'm pounding down the door to make sure you're not seizing again.

All of this was endearing yet annoying. I like my space. It's harder for them because they'd never experienced that before, but to me it's been there, done that, let's get back to life.

By the end of the wedding day they'd been reassured enough that I was capable of driving and sleeping in my house alone. I wanted my own bed and a good night's sleep, and I needed to make sure the house was ready for my parents to get home the next day. You know, put away my coats and shoes that never tend to make it to the closet, make sure there was milk in the fridge. The basics.

Overall though, I am thankful for this second family that loves me nearly as much as my first. It's nice to know you've got back up when you need it.

postpartum

I read this blog called Dooce. I started reading it a few months ago, and Heather Armstrong, the author, is hilarious. She has the most wonderful sense of humor, and posts beautiful photographs to accompany her posts. Plus, she talks about her dog a lot. She just had her second child, and she's mentioned the depression she struggled with after having her first little girl. This struck my interest, and I decided to go back to before I started reading her blog and read all her posts from that time in her life.

How heartbreaking. Terrifying. And beautiful.

I've given some thought to postpartum depression because my mom struggled with it after she had me, and to some degree, it's genetic. She mentioned this to me one day, telling me if I ever felt like that when I have children to make sure I called so she could come help me out and get me through it.

Obviously, if she talks that casually about it, she didn't experience depression as badly as she could have, but it's something that's scared me a little bit ever since she told me. I want kids more than anything. I want a family. So, naturally, as I started reading about Heather's experiences, I started freaking out. I don't want to go through what she went through, I don't wan to have to go to a psych facility, I don't want to feel that helpless. I got scared, and I switched into freak out mode.

But then I got to the end of the story. The part where she got better, the part where her fantastic humor starts coming out again. The part where her husband was there, the part where she got the help she needed. She wrote this about her husband during that time:

"Jon has been a Superhero throughout this whole thing and I am once again reminded that I scored the Best Husband in All the Land. He is so supportive and giving and so very, very hot. I miss him so much that I physically hurt, and when he visits I plunge my face into his neck so that I can smell the shaving cream he used earlier that day. That is my favorite smell in the world, right up there with the smell of Leta's(her daughter's) head and the smell of bacon frying."

He was her strength. From the posts he wrote, he didn't even realize it. But he helped her more than he knew, simply because he was there for her to fall into his arms. And doctors helped get her on the medication she really needed to help her through that time. She was broken, but it became an encourging, beautifully heartbreaking experience.

I'm not sure she'd see it that way, she has no problem saying she's not a Christian. But I am a Christian girl, a girl who believes that everything happens for a reason. And looking at the people she's touched by sharing her story, looking at how her husband was able to help her, looking at how the doctors were able to figure out a way to make things better...if that's not God, I don't know what is.

My parents were divorced before I was two. One of the factors that can increase risk of postpartum depression is poor support from your spouse, or a high amount of stress. Something tells me both of those factors were a part of my mom's experience.

Yeah, there's a possibility I could struggle with postpartum depression myself. Maybe more of a possibility than the next person. But the beauty in that is I won't be alone. I'll have my mom. I'll have my future husband. And most importantly, I'll have God, who reminds me just how big He really is every day. There will never, ever be a moment that I'll have to do anything on my own, at any point of my life. What more could I ask for?

hilarious

Last night was such a fantastic night at work. I was bummed at first because it started out so slow, and even made a comment about how I missed having nights where I ran my rear off all night. I love busy nights like that. And about an hour after I made that comment, people started flooding in. It was so fun! I had a group of 5 guys in their thirties and forties who were hilarious. They harassed me all night, but all in good fun, and if having a entertaining table like that wasn't good enough, they left me a more than generous tip, and told me they'd be requesting me next week.

That's what I love most about waitressing, being able to joke around with people and build relationships with people who choose to come back each week because they enjoy the service. There's no greater compliment than return customers.

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Another reason I'm continuing to love my bike rides...saw a man driving a big white van today for some maintenence company with a Buzz Lightyear toy strapped to the front. So, so funny. I started laughing out loud when I saw it and caught the driver's eye, he laughed right along with me. I'm sure he gets that a lot.

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Today I am wearing a cute flirty little sundress that I got for a meer $17 at Forever 21 and enjoying the warm weather. I think I'll take a chair out in the sun and read for a while. Too nice to stay inside!

geese

I'm coming to really enjoy my bike rides.

Sure, I moan about them while I'm eating breakfast slowly to procrastinate going out, but once I get going, I'm happy. I love what I see along the way. And I made a couple new playlists on my iPod that are full of summer music that I love.

Today while I was biking I decided I have to carry my little coolpix camera with me at all times. I took a different route than I normally do...well, I took a left instead of a right on the road I always bike down. It's got a nice little biking lane so I don't have to feel like someone may or may not clobber me as they drive by, and it's right along the water. Plus, most of the houses along that way are adorable.

Anyway, I took a left. And to the left, there's geese. A lot of them. I didn't know this. But I saw three old men walking down a path with five baby geese running in front of them. *click* I saw a truck stop for two geese to cross the road. *click* I saw the third goose who didn't get across the road with his friends anxiously dance on the other side until he started running and then flying across to catch up. *click*.

However, I may never get a workout if I start taking my camera along with me biking...there's too many photo opportunities I'd be stopping for!

biking

In honor of swimsuit season, I've decided to become a biker.

Again.

I did this last year, found out that biking was much more enjoyable to me than running. I'm a slow runner, with a short attention span. The scenery doesn't change fast enough for me. Biking, however, I get to see a lot more and cover a greater distance in the same amount of time, even if it's probably not going to help me be all goddess-like in a swimsuit faster. It might not do as much for the lovely layer of winter warmth hiding what really are a set of six-pack abs(ha!), but I will have excellent, excellent legs.

In fact, I feel like it's already making a difference. This may be naive of me, since I've only biked about five times, but if you're some physical therapist person and you know I couldn't have possibly noticed a change, don't you dare burst my bubble. I have to at least pretend I see a difference or I won't keep biking. But my calves really do seem to look a little nicer. They're a bit tanner too, which always helps.

I usually go for my ride between nine and ten in the morning, and I'm starting to notice some regulars who are always out at that time. One nice older lady dressed in one of those jean jackets with like birdhouses sewed on and penny loafers, riding a bike with a regular seat with the peddles parallel to the seat, man in his sixties(?) riding a normal red and yellow bike, both of them moving at a slow but steady pace. A guy who always drives by on his motorcycle. And this one tall, skinny guy.

This tall, skinny guy is, well...I think he's a creeper. I have a mind that always creates the worst possible scenarios and then automatically tries to deny that scenario for something much more favorable. Like, he was walking at ten today, and then again at six thirty when I went for another bike ride. What normal man in his thirties has a job that allows him to walk at those times? And when he sees me, he turns his head and slowly smiles and nods or waves. In a "Hi, I could potentially be a stalker" way. And he wears...well, slightly grungy clothes. All these things make me leary of him. But then my brain automatically goes, well, he could work a wacky night shift that's 11-7 or something. And he could sleep from like, 11 to 6 during the day. Or maybe he works 11-7 during the day and he got off early today or just had the whole day off. And, maybe when he's walking, he's just really relaxed and leisurely, so he moves slowly. And hey, when people are just out for a stroll, they're not going to wear their super shnazzy clothes, now are they? Now are they?!

In this particular situation, however, my brain's first reasoning won out, and I just might let the boyfriend buy me pepper spray. Even though when he first suggested it I told him not to because I'd never carry it, and it'd wind up in some junk drawer, and he'd find it there one day and wind up being all hurt because I wasn't taking my safety seriously. I'm a pretty independent girl, but sometimes, you know, having a little pepper spray might not be a bad thing...